My Endless Numbered New York Days

I am on my last day of my job at a small Brooklyn-based tea company and that's brought about a lot of existential philosophizing about what's next but also a lot of stress because I don't think that it has sunk in to a lot of my co-workers that I'm actually leaving and they won't be able to do last minute requests for Ad designs. But the existential philosophizing has me lost deep in my mind. That and some of the signs the universe is giving me have me questioning - Am I done with the New York thing? My father - naturally - says that I am. That I did it: moved to New York City, lived here, struggled here, thrived here, and experienced here but that much like many experiences in life, it is time to move on to the next one. When he first said that to me around February when I was up in arms about some of the company's policies and was ready to throw in the towel and walk out the door, I thought he was being the overbearing, concerned parent that just wanted his daughter to just give up on this crazy New York idea and come home. And while I'm still not certain Ecuador is the next stop on my life path, I think that my time here in New York is coming to a close.
Don't get me wrong. I love New York. I love New York in the way most New Yorkers love it. There's something about this city and its craziness and its idiosyncrasies and its culture that slowly but surely seeps into your bones and grabs hold. The love/hate relationship with the subway (and Times Square or anywhere particularly touristy for that matter). The random scouring of Craig's List and local real estate listings for apartments to rent - not because you might not be happy with your apartment, but you always got to stay on your toes because living in New York is like playing one giant game of musical chairs. Except that instead of chairs, they're apartments. And if you're not quick on your feet, you'll end up renting a room in what the real estate broker swears is East Williamsburg, but is really deep Bushwick or East New York because you're a newbie and didn't know that East Williamsburg is not a real thing. It's the gossipy chattering with the foodies about things like cronuts and beef tongue pastrami sandwiches chased down with craft beer. It's adventuring deep into Queens or Brooklyn in a quasi-religious quest to track down the best damned taco in the city that is sold from a dubious hole-in-the-wall only the initiated know about. It's about the thin layer of grit that slowly settles onto your skin and never lets go. It's the badge of honor that lets the world know - once upon a time I lived in New York City and experienced the wonderfully chaotic but strangely beautiful world that is the big apple.
Last night I made the decision to leave it all behind come early August. It's time to pack up my bags again and wander around the world. Because the is so much world to wander through and only one life to do it. But despite everything, New York will always feel like my home base, my crazy, gritty, beautiful base.

Because not all those who wander are lost.

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