I´ve been feeling a lot on the downside lately. Arguments with my family have been escalating and reached a climax recently. Among the things I discovered is that apparently, I´ve messed up my relationship with my dad a bit. It is a two-way street mind you, but it is there. And I´m angry and irritable and cold. I try not to be, but a lot of things have happened recently that have sparked those reactions. More notably, the fact that it seems like everyone has an opinion on the weight loss process I´m going through and they don´t hesitate about telling it to me (I even had the trainer at the club gym make some really unnecessary and hurtful comments to me and my mother will also make a comment if I go for another slice of toast, for example). These experiences, coupled with the fact that it is becoming increasingly psychologically difficult to function in Quito, have understandably made me emotionally fragile and sensitive. Being essentially bullied by pretty much a whole system because I am not a size 2 while I am trying to lose weight to be healthy is not an easy storm to weather. I consider myself to have thick skin, which is really hard to get under. But sometimes even the thickest of skin feels thin.
Before I went to China, I was practicing Kudalini Yoga twice a week with a friend of my mother´s. I must admit that practicing Kudalini yoga was really helping me with the coping process since it helped me balance out some negative feelings I experienced. I stopped when I went to China because I honestly forgot. I was having so much fun and felt happy and balanced that in a way I didn´t feel the need for it. A week ago, the teacher sent me an email about a 4 hour chakra cleansing masterclass with this big Chilean yogi. It was only $20 to attend and I figured it would be worth it, all things considered. So yesterday, armed with all of the anger and frustruation and sadness I´ve been feeling lately, I marched myself to the masterclass with my yoga mat. A lot of really questionable new-age muble-jumbo aside (I can´t really take anyone claiming to know the purpose of life very seriously) it really did me a lot of good. There was this part where she had us do a meditation to let go of our anger. It basically consisted of pretty much punching the air as we repeated a mantra. But it went on forever and she encouraged us to get angrier and angrier and say the mantra faster and faster. I released so much energy in that meditation alone that I could hardly go through with it at the end. A lot of the physical pain I had at different points in my back were gone afterwards and I felt balanced once more. The depressive feelings, the anger I had been bottling up for months and months, were all gone. I did not feel at peace. I did not feel happy. But the anger was gone. And for that, I am thankful. The air in that room after that meditation was charged and heavy. Thick with stagnant qi that had suddenly been forcefully expelled from 35 bodies. I felt it float away harmlessly.
Meditating in a roomful of people, especially when a mantra is involved, is always better in my opinion. Maybe because I one of the ways I meditate is through auditive concentration. Meaning that I keep my mind focused on the duality of unity and division of voices and harmonies in a chant. It feels like a wave and multiple waves - it reminds me of the very nature of the universe itself in that everything is unique but also part of a greater whole. Feeling 35 of the more devoted yogis in Ecuador tune a mantra together feels as incredibly powerful - like being in the middle of a giant tuning fork trying to tune into the frequency of the planet. Hard to explain, I know, but something ethereal and beautiful to experience. Meditating as a group I think is preferable because you are there for yourself, to work on your own problems but you draw strength from the other people there too (the Yogi yesterday correctly pointed out that how can we heal the world if we cannot even heal ourselves? How can you understand the world if you cannot understand yourself? By understanding yourself, the world becomes clearer. Because we are a reflection of the universe. We are a microcosm that is a reflection of the macrocosm). It emphasizes that aspect duality of individuality and the greater conscience. The feeling of interconnectedness with the world. We are part of the planet and the planet is part of us.
Of course, at the end of the masterclass, we were told to go eat light and go to sleep.
I, having eaten a very light lunch, did nothing of the sort. I wolfed down a hamburger with curly fries and root beer (yes, I found root beet in Ecuador!) from "Las Hamburguesas de Rusty" and immediately regretted it. It was my first hamburger and piece of meat in 5 months. My stomach, unaccustomed to eating meat, decided that it hated me and hated hamburgers. I think I don´t like the taste anymore.
Mehr.
I guess you could call it karma for disobeying the yogi.
Oh well....
Before I went to China, I was practicing Kudalini Yoga twice a week with a friend of my mother´s. I must admit that practicing Kudalini yoga was really helping me with the coping process since it helped me balance out some negative feelings I experienced. I stopped when I went to China because I honestly forgot. I was having so much fun and felt happy and balanced that in a way I didn´t feel the need for it. A week ago, the teacher sent me an email about a 4 hour chakra cleansing masterclass with this big Chilean yogi. It was only $20 to attend and I figured it would be worth it, all things considered. So yesterday, armed with all of the anger and frustruation and sadness I´ve been feeling lately, I marched myself to the masterclass with my yoga mat. A lot of really questionable new-age muble-jumbo aside (I can´t really take anyone claiming to know the purpose of life very seriously) it really did me a lot of good. There was this part where she had us do a meditation to let go of our anger. It basically consisted of pretty much punching the air as we repeated a mantra. But it went on forever and she encouraged us to get angrier and angrier and say the mantra faster and faster. I released so much energy in that meditation alone that I could hardly go through with it at the end. A lot of the physical pain I had at different points in my back were gone afterwards and I felt balanced once more. The depressive feelings, the anger I had been bottling up for months and months, were all gone. I did not feel at peace. I did not feel happy. But the anger was gone. And for that, I am thankful. The air in that room after that meditation was charged and heavy. Thick with stagnant qi that had suddenly been forcefully expelled from 35 bodies. I felt it float away harmlessly.
Meditating in a roomful of people, especially when a mantra is involved, is always better in my opinion. Maybe because I one of the ways I meditate is through auditive concentration. Meaning that I keep my mind focused on the duality of unity and division of voices and harmonies in a chant. It feels like a wave and multiple waves - it reminds me of the very nature of the universe itself in that everything is unique but also part of a greater whole. Feeling 35 of the more devoted yogis in Ecuador tune a mantra together feels as incredibly powerful - like being in the middle of a giant tuning fork trying to tune into the frequency of the planet. Hard to explain, I know, but something ethereal and beautiful to experience. Meditating as a group I think is preferable because you are there for yourself, to work on your own problems but you draw strength from the other people there too (the Yogi yesterday correctly pointed out that how can we heal the world if we cannot even heal ourselves? How can you understand the world if you cannot understand yourself? By understanding yourself, the world becomes clearer. Because we are a reflection of the universe. We are a microcosm that is a reflection of the macrocosm). It emphasizes that aspect duality of individuality and the greater conscience. The feeling of interconnectedness with the world. We are part of the planet and the planet is part of us.
Of course, at the end of the masterclass, we were told to go eat light and go to sleep.
I, having eaten a very light lunch, did nothing of the sort. I wolfed down a hamburger with curly fries and root beer (yes, I found root beet in Ecuador!) from "Las Hamburguesas de Rusty" and immediately regretted it. It was my first hamburger and piece of meat in 5 months. My stomach, unaccustomed to eating meat, decided that it hated me and hated hamburgers. I think I don´t like the taste anymore.
Mehr.
I guess you could call it karma for disobeying the yogi.
Oh well....
